Decision #5 & #6

A weirdly mixed couple of days has led me to a couple of Good Decisions and many Bad ones.

First, the good.

Good Decision #5: I baked the schnitzel for me while frying it for my family (who are very thin).

The schnitzel was not quite so delicious as usual but it was perfectly fine.

Good Decisions #6:  When I was very hungry last night, I had a small bowl of cereal instead of pigging out.

Yay me!

Now, the Bad Decisions.

I am not going to number the Bad Decisions (great name for a band, no?), but I realise that I have to record them, if only because we - meaning I - tend to block them out afterwards, as though they never happened.  Which is how I ended up in this mess.

So.  Diet coke and chips, in order to ward off a migraine.

This is my big problem.  I get migraines.  Drinking Diet Coke (for the caffeine - remember, I can't drink coffee) and eating chips often helps either delay the onset or reduce the symptoms.  So when I am out and about with things that must be done, and I feel a migraine coming on, that's what I do.

This is bad for me in the long term, but bloody good in the short term.  I've tried other combinations, but this is the most effective.  I got the headache and the flashing lights, etc, anyway, but it was later, when I was at home, where I could cope.

Since migraines are connected with stress, according to the books, I am hoping for a gradual reduction as I get fitter and healthier.  But I'm not relying on that, so I have to find another way to deal with them.  Which means, God help me, Public Transport, because if I take the migraine drugs, I can't drive.

I guess I will get more exercise that way.  Sigh.

Decision #4

Good Decision #4: a successful grocery shopping trip.

I realised, in the middle of grocery shopping, that if I counted every time I decided not to buy something unhealthy as a Good Decision, I'd run through the 1000 Decisions by the end of the week.

So I have decided to award myself one Good Decision for every shopping excursion on which I consistently make healthy choices.

This time, this included not buying myself a Diet Coke.  I had natural mineral water instead.  This is the issue most likely to torpedo any shopping trip.  I am addicted to Diet Coke.  My doctor tells me it's bad for me, my naturopath tells me it's bad for me, hell, reading the label tells me it's bad for me.  But it's one of my only vices (I don't drink, don't smoke, don't do drugs, don't drink coffee) so I've excused it away in the past as necessary - doesn't everyone need at least one vice? 

However, I now proclaim that my vice of choice is gaming - hidden object games, logic puzzles, sudoku, that kind of thing.  It's a vice because it interferes with me being active, so I would like to cut it back a bit, but it's not terminal, so I can indulge in it, feel wicked, and yet not completely wreck my process.

Diet Coke is no longer my vice.

If I say it often enough I might believe it.

The other issue which has arisen for me is:  if I make a Bad Decision, does that cancel out a Good Decision?  For example, if I decide not to eat junk food for lunch, but then have it for dinner, does the first decision count, or is it wiped out by the second?

I have been going around and around with this in my head, and I have decided that I am ignoring Bad Decisions.

I have a sneaking suspicion that the niggling, nit-picking, pedantic part of me which is urging that all Bad Decisions wipe out a Good one is the part that wants me to self-sabotage, because frankly keeping track of all that would be both difficult and discouraging.  So No!  A Bad Decision does NOT negate a Good Decision.  I will concentrate on the positives.

Possibly I will need to review this at the 100 decision mark, but we'll see.

Decision #3

Decision #3: While waiting for my email to load, I did 20 squats and 20 calf raises.

I feel very silly writing this down.  How can this be significant?  But it fulfills my criteria.  I was going to play a game of patience while I waited, and instead I got up and was active.

One of the hard things about this process is going to be taking the small things seriously.  But I think that's the point.

Decision #1

I am fat, unfit, stressed and yet I have a wonderful life with a terrific husband and son and a supportive family.  And I am happy; but not as happy or as well as I could be.  So it's all down to me - I am where I am because of decisions I have made.  I could make a lot of excuses about ill health and so on and on and on, but in the end, I am what I have made me.

I've tried several times to get out of this situation by concentrating on losing weight and getting fit, but it was always goal based: I need to lose X kilos, I need to be able to run x kilometres.  These attempts didn't work in the long term.

So this time I'm forgetting goals and scales and kms.  I am concentrating on the process: by making 1000 good decisions I'm hoping to get myself into the good habits of mind and body.

What is a good decision?

• When I choose health-giving food over health-impairing food (since I have a lot of allergies, this is a bit more complicated for me than for most people, which is why I didn't say 'healthy' food)
• When I choose activity over inactivity
• When I choose stress reduction over stress-creation
• When I choose sanity.  This one is a bit complicated.  Some people might call it choosing simplicity, or spirituality, or mindfulness, or slowness, or connection, or generosity.  I see it as choosing enrichment.  Instead of the consumer-driven desire to have more, I want to choose to be more.

A bad decision is the opposite of these. 

I figure I need to make 3-5 good decisions a day.  I'm not counting the things I already do, like cook for my family at night.  These are new decisions, new habits of being.

I'm going off now to buy myself one of those clicker-counters they use at night clubs to keep track of the numbers of patrons. 

So, Good Decision # 1:  starting this blog
Good Decision #2: buying the counter.

 Wish me luck!